optimistic

it's time! answers seem to be coming. as soon as i know for sure i will post it for all to hear (or read), but for now it will have to suffice to say i feel good. really good. for the first time since this whole ordeal started i feel like i can see a clear path ahead. things seem to be going according to the timeline i got the impression we were working with 4 months ago. i'm so very excited to see what comes next. i'm also happy that we will get to spend the holidays here for one more year. thanks to everyone for all the prayers and support. we feel very loved.

what a pickle...

how do you go about receiving answers when you're not even sure what the question should be?

POW!

i made this for my babysitter. it's what she wanted. so much fun. :)

better now

paul and i went out last night. we picked up my pint of ice cream, drove out to the country and parked by the side of the road. we talked, we theorized, we found the good; we basically just spent some much needed one-on-one time together talking without any distractions. i think we're both doing a lot better. 


we're disappointed still, but there's a lot to be happy about as well. he's amazed me with his continued determination to be positive. it's always been something he's struggled with but something seems to have clicked in him in the last few weeks. i'm so impressed and pleased with the changes he's made. it has helped us both out immensely. he's discovered it's possible to be happy, even in the face of really trying circumstances and i've gotten a break from carrying the brunt of the emotional load.


despite the way things have gone down i'm still full of hope and the feeling that all is well and all will be well. really, i feel peaceful and blessed in so many ways right now. i think i kind of knew this wasn't the job for us, but still, that only helps to temper the disappointment so much. but, if this is a test--and i suspect that it is--we are ready to meet the demands this time. we are ready to forge through and redouble our efforts to prove our faith and obedience.


thank you so much to everyone who's been there for us, with us, praying for us, cheering for us, encouraging us. it's times like these that really teach you what is important and help you to recognize your blessings, some that you may have taken for granted in the past. we love you all!

it's official:

he didn't get the job. 

wooosh.

that was the sound of my hopes going out the window.

ugh. now what?

well, same as before i guess.

more resumes.

more praying for miracles.

positive thinking....

but i gotta be honest, 

right now,

i'm crying.

:(

i had paul take the puppies and gigi to the pound. i feel really bad, but i just couldn't handle anything else right now. my stress levels are so high. i wish we could've kept them and watched them grow until we could find homes for them, but i just hit a wall today. a huge, overwhelming wall that feels not just like it's in my way, but that it's actually falling on me. i guess paul didn't get the job because it's been 3 weeks and they still haven't called. guess it's back to square one. sigh. 

hmmm...

paul and i had the same dream (about a week apart). 

personal revelation? 

or desire manifesting itself through our subconscious? 

i hope the former.

and i hope to find out very soon.