change is good. :)

I've wanted to cut my hair short for a long time. But the fact that my hair is pretty thin and very fine has always made me hesitate. I was always so worried it would just sit there limply and look (if possible) even worse than my blah-straight long hair. I really thought I'd have long hair forever because I didn't have the guts to cut it. But after looking at another person's picture and then searching through pictures of people with short hair that looked similar in texture to mine I finally decided to take the plunge. Summer's coming and I hate my long hair in the pool. I was just sick of it. All of it. I was so ready. So, I asked a friend if she could and if she would. And she totally surprised me by showing up at my house with her scissors, a smile and a question. 

"Is she serious? Because I will."

I love her! She's such a great friend and this is one of the best presents I've gotten in a long time. And, the best part, 
I LOVE IT!

Seriously. Love. :))

don't make any sudden movements

it's been an up weekend. a way up weekend. the kind i haven't had in longer than i can remember with any accuracy.

mom was great enough to take my kids friday night (and rachel was great enough to do most of the taking care of them for the night due to mom's poor bum ankle) and paul and i got to spend some time alone in our house. it was really nice and just what i needed. i'm extremely grateful my kids don't have attachment issues and love pretty much everyone. it makes it exceptionally easy to leave them with other people when the rare opportunities present themselves.

i'm also very grateful to have a mom close by who's willing to help out. and one who knows what my life is like.

if i can figure out how to make this feeling last i think i will be okay. the bad news it, i won't always be like this, in reality. life would be much too easy like that. the good news it i think i've found some answers i've been looking for and i'm hoping i can "make it stick." it's good to know that Heavenly Father really does answer prayers. and He does!

allow me a moment

i must be doing something right because it seems i've had more good days than i've had for a long time. the problem is the swinging wildly from one day to the next. how do i keep from vacillating between a pretty good day and a i-just-can't-do-this-anymore days? 

i can't figure it out! and it's driving me crazy.

is it normal to have super productive days next to super lazy days? is there a way to even them out so i have mostly productive days every day instead of great days next to wasted ones? 

ugh, i can't figure this wife/mom/homemaker thing out. i can't seem to find my balance. does it ever get better?

i'm super grateful i've had a lot more "life is good" days recently in the last couple months than in the last 3 years combined...i jest (but not). but i wish i could find the magic formula. the reason for my upbeat content days. 

don't get me wrong. i understand that there will always be i-just-can't-do-this-anymore days no matter what. and i'm okay with that.

but i'd love to see the pendulum swing so far the other way that those are the off days and not the standard. my mountains are great...it's the valleys that aren't so great.

here's to hoping the valleys get narrower, the climb gets easier (that is, my capacity to climb), and the summits longer and closer together.

limbo lower now...

okay, so not lower, just longer. i feel like we've been in limbo for the last two years. yep, that's right, we're coming up on TWO years since paul lost his job with matt. and we're still in our house...somehow. we're still making ends meet...somehow. i feel like we're treading water. and on the one hand i'm very grateful we haven't lost our house and we've been very blessed financially, on the other hand part of me wishes we could just come to some kind of resolution so we could be done with the waiting and uncertainty.


we could be done with the "what if" and the "where will we be in a year?" questions. because i know we'd be fine if we had to leave our house. i wouldn't like it and i know paul would have a hard time with it, but we'd be okay. we have lots of places to go and paul does have a good job. we'd be just fine if we had to go back to renting. in some ways i think it would be a blessing. we could move down to visalia/tulare area where paul is working, which would give me more help, save him lots of driving time and give me a chance to work with mom in the shop. i'm willing to move, even out of state (maybe especially) and yet, we're still here. so i know we're still supposed to be here for some reason or another because if it were time to go we'd be gone. 


on the other hand, it's nice to know i don't have to make all my own decisions. its nice to know i don't have to make the decisions about what's best for my family all on my own because i'm sure i'd screw it up (i would have already, i know). i guess for now i can take comfort in the fact that whatever happens it's part of a bigger plan. hopefully a better plan too. one with maybe a little more financial stability sooner rather than later. :) 


but just so everyone knows, we're doing okay. really. i couldn't explain how except to say God has a plan for us and for now it doesn't include leaving our house. not just yet anyway....

seems to me...

...i let my laundry-to-be-folded pile get a little out of control. 
oops.

fortunately, i got it all tamed, though it took awhile. i hate laundry. 

can i get an "amen!"?

mom moment!

i had one of those mom moments. the one you think you'll never have. it was kind of funny though, i won't lie.


for our 7th anniversary (yay us!) we got out of town and on our way up we did a session in the oakland temple. when we got there we went in to the visitor's center to see when session started etc. on out way from visitor's center to our car to deposit clothes into car, which of course required walking across the parking lot. a car came in from the road and totally unthinking i put my hand out to keep paul from walking out into the road.....which of course is silly. he's an adult and can see a car coming. 


it was subtle. i don't even think paul noticed. but i did. and inside i went "oh my goodness! i just did a mom thing." i laughed and felt silly. oh man, how time changes us.

Now that's what i'm talking about!

It's been a pretty good day. 

Yes, I really said that. 

Yes, I think I even really mean it.

Started with scriptures at 7:30.

Only 2 chapters, but isn't that better than nothing?

Then a prayer.

Yes! I remembered!

Then the craziness of getting Keith off to school.

That part wasn't so great.

BUT, while he was out, I got two kids fed and changed.

I also folded three loads of laundry while washing a fourth.

Got three kids down for naps before picking up number four.

Got in a 45 minute P90X workout, yes!

Ate lunch, fed kids.

Made bed with clean sheets. Love.

Took all four kids and dog for a walk.

(Bonus workout.)

Hung out outside after said walk and enjoyed the sunshine...

After putting two babies back down for naps.

Ahh, isn't that nice?

Oh, and Paul made dinner tonight.

Yes, I think I'll take a few more of these days please.