Summer

Anyone else counting down until summer? Only 3 and a half weeks of school. Yay! And then, camping. Double yay! I'm so looking forward to swimming, camping, playing outside, barbeques, and just lots of water fun. I need a break. This school thing is tough even for mom! Can't imagine how much Keith must need it. I'm just excited for change. 

And as an aside, can you believe it's almost June already too. We're almost halfway through 2011 already. Life just flies by doesn't it?

music

mom and dad west were thoughtful enough to buy the groupon for the fresno phil. i haven't been to the symphony in a long time. because of the exhausting 2 weeks preceding the concert i was hesitant to go and really thought seriously about skipping out. in fact, if someone else hadn't bought the tickets, i probably would have. but, i'm really glad i didn't.


as soon as it started and i heard the strings play i heaved this big sigh of contentment and thought "yes, i've been missing this."


life is crazy and sometimes it's hard to find time even for our passions in life when you're taking care of 4 (some could argue 5) other people. from time to time i've thought to myself that i just don't know if i love music enough to continue working on it while struggling just to survive kids and life. and that it's too late to really DO anything with the talent. don't get me wrong, i will never completely abandon it or stop playing the piano, but i feel at times that i'm happy with the current level of my abilities and don't have much desire to continue to work.


then something happens. 


i went to time out for women and listened to michael mclean and john bytheway (who is not a musician but showed us a video of him playing the banjo which he learned in the last few years--awesome!) and hilary weeks and thought "this is what i want to do! it's not even kind of too late. they're all in their 40's and 50's. i can spend the next 1 to 2 decades really learning my craft." and i realize i really do love music and want to continue magnifying my talent.


then i forgot again.


then i went to the symphony and my soul sighed in delight. and i remembered my love. and why it's been my love from the first time i started the trumpet. i'm certain it's meant to be part of my life. somehow, some way. and i think that's it's supposed to be a part of my life that i share with others and not just something i do. i'm certain there's a whole huge area of my talent that i haven't even tapped yet.


but i think i'm going to need some constant reminding for awhile because right now, some days it's all i can do just to keep my head above water...

you know, i had a piano teacher who once said to me desiring to have more than two kids was very "optimistic". now, more than 5 years later i'm sure the word isn't "optimistic" but instead "arrogant". 


seriously, how very arrogant was i to think i could handle child rearing? and not just one, but FOUR? i must be out of my mind. but, god willing (and i'm pretty certain He is or He wouldn't have sent me all these precious souls), i will make it through this. 

right??

lesson in manners

overheard at my house while mashing bananas for muffins:

Keith: "you're good at smashing bananas mommy."

Me: "what can i say..."

Keith: (pause) "...you can say 'thank you.'"

change is good. :)

I've wanted to cut my hair short for a long time. But the fact that my hair is pretty thin and very fine has always made me hesitate. I was always so worried it would just sit there limply and look (if possible) even worse than my blah-straight long hair. I really thought I'd have long hair forever because I didn't have the guts to cut it. But after looking at another person's picture and then searching through pictures of people with short hair that looked similar in texture to mine I finally decided to take the plunge. Summer's coming and I hate my long hair in the pool. I was just sick of it. All of it. I was so ready. So, I asked a friend if she could and if she would. And she totally surprised me by showing up at my house with her scissors, a smile and a question. 

"Is she serious? Because I will."

I love her! She's such a great friend and this is one of the best presents I've gotten in a long time. And, the best part, 
I LOVE IT!

Seriously. Love. :))

don't make any sudden movements

it's been an up weekend. a way up weekend. the kind i haven't had in longer than i can remember with any accuracy.

mom was great enough to take my kids friday night (and rachel was great enough to do most of the taking care of them for the night due to mom's poor bum ankle) and paul and i got to spend some time alone in our house. it was really nice and just what i needed. i'm extremely grateful my kids don't have attachment issues and love pretty much everyone. it makes it exceptionally easy to leave them with other people when the rare opportunities present themselves.

i'm also very grateful to have a mom close by who's willing to help out. and one who knows what my life is like.

if i can figure out how to make this feeling last i think i will be okay. the bad news it, i won't always be like this, in reality. life would be much too easy like that. the good news it i think i've found some answers i've been looking for and i'm hoping i can "make it stick." it's good to know that Heavenly Father really does answer prayers. and He does!

allow me a moment

i must be doing something right because it seems i've had more good days than i've had for a long time. the problem is the swinging wildly from one day to the next. how do i keep from vacillating between a pretty good day and a i-just-can't-do-this-anymore days? 

i can't figure it out! and it's driving me crazy.

is it normal to have super productive days next to super lazy days? is there a way to even them out so i have mostly productive days every day instead of great days next to wasted ones? 

ugh, i can't figure this wife/mom/homemaker thing out. i can't seem to find my balance. does it ever get better?

i'm super grateful i've had a lot more "life is good" days recently in the last couple months than in the last 3 years combined...i jest (but not). but i wish i could find the magic formula. the reason for my upbeat content days. 

don't get me wrong. i understand that there will always be i-just-can't-do-this-anymore days no matter what. and i'm okay with that.

but i'd love to see the pendulum swing so far the other way that those are the off days and not the standard. my mountains are great...it's the valleys that aren't so great.

here's to hoping the valleys get narrower, the climb gets easier (that is, my capacity to climb), and the summits longer and closer together.