for some reason...

i thought it was going to get easier when we got here. 

i'm not sure why. 

i knew we were stepping into the unknown.

with no family, and no friends. 

no job, and no real knowledge of the area.

i guess it was the fact that we were doing what we were supposed to do.

but that has never been a guarantee for either success or ease.

sure, it helps, but if it were that simple--and quick--it wouldn't be much of a test. 

and i know it hasn't been very long.

still, this has been hard.

smaller paychecks, higher bills, less resources and physical support.

it hasn't all been bad.

and there are still many, many blessings to count.

but i'm feeling very overwhelmed much of the time.

and hoping and praying that maybe, just maybe, there's a light at the end of the tunnel of this financial trial.

because the desire to curl up and cry is getting stronger every day.

jumping back on the bandwagon

okay, so i've learned some things in the last two weeks. 


#1: it's hard to be good when you have crap in the house. it's SO much easier if it's just not available.


#2: there's something to be said for making a commitment and sharing it with other people to create accountability.


#3: my husband has an even worse sweet tooth than i.


anyhoo, basically what i'm saying is, tomorrow, i'm starting another 30 day sugar fast. i was really good the first week and a half or so after i quit my official fast, even continuing to lose weight. but for some reason paul bought a bunch of crap right after i finished (we had some words over that one, haha). anyhoo, i've decided to do this again and make it public. i want to make the commitment and i want everyone to know and help keep me honest. i like and make a consistent effort to be a woman of my word as far as it is in my power. so, i'm giving my word. 30 days. i've got a goal and i want to reach it by the end of june.


here's to another 30 days.

even more little things

last night i prayed for sunshine, because weeks of clouds tend to get me down. and it's not even the clouds as much as the cold, because cold means bundling, which means very little desire to be mobile. this is what it looks like today:

And even though there are more clouds than blue sky, it has still been sunny more than half the time.

What a beautiful day.

it's the little things

about a month ago (or thereabouts) someone--i'm not sure who--busted our laptop LCD screen. they shattered the spot that, i suspect, they stepped on and it spidered out from there. at first it was hardly noticeable so i ignored it. then the black started seeping in (the liquid crystals started seeping out?). it took awhile before it was really bad. when i looked around to buy a new one they ran about $100. so i put it off. then it got too bad to ignore anymore, and i bit the bullet and shelled out $102 to get a new screen.


it came in the mail quickly, and i went to install it. but there was a problem with it. the connecting cord was too short. ugh. 


the company i purchased the screen from said they would have to recall it, as it obviously wasn't the right part for my computer model. so i started another search, this time armed with the exact model number of the screen instead of just the computer.


long story short, instead of paying over $100, i ended up getting what i needed for only $45--less than half, which was far below any others i found, even with the right part number. 


even though it took longer, and i had to deal with the pain of having to send the first one back, i still ended up way ahead.


it's moments like this that i'm certain my heavenly father is looking out for me. the big miracles are cool, but the small miracles are how i know he's always watching out for me and he truly cares. because a new computer screen is such a little thing. but to me, right now, $60 is a lot of money. 


i'm so grateful to know my heavenly father is taking care of me.

30 days

i made it.


basically.


i had a couple "oops" moments, but i was definitely far more good than not.


and it was successful.


in more ways than one.


i lost 7 pounds, yay.


and my sugar cravings have dramatically decreased, double yay.


and i'm finding it easier to "just say no".

what is it about us that makes us want things simply because we can't or shouldn't have it? last night, my last night of this thing, we were invited to a ward member's house for a getting-to-know-you kind of thing. they provided ice cream and multiple topping options. i wanted some. i thought. looking back today, i don't know that i really did. i think it was more the i-want-it-because-i-can't-have-it situation. because i didn't really feel like i was missing out. i'm not even that much of an ice cream person.


today, i did indulge and have one of my favorites for breakfast: chocolate chip pancakes. and they were yummy. and i didn't feel in the least bit guilty.


but as i was looking at some of the (few) things we have in the house that i can now eat because my sugar fast is officially over i repeatedly thought "yeah, that kind of looks good . . . but not really. i really only want a bite or two." 


i was so excited to be done, but i'm much more excited to discover that even after giving myself permission to eat sugar again, there's not much desire. 


and that is the best thing that's come out of this.


i think i'm going to go 30 more days.


well, kind of.


i'm not going to say "i can't" because that in itself makes me want it when i don't really even want it.


but i'm going to limit what i say yes to. maybe one or two treats a week.


because i feel good.


and i think my body is in a weight loss groove.


and i want to take full advantage of that.

more than halfway...

i'm feeling so good. i've lost between 4 and 5 pounds. i'm not completely sure because i didn't do an official beginning weigh-in. but either way, that's pretty good for 2 weeks.


i've discovered that something as simple as keeping cinnamon graham crackers in the house helps to make me feel like i'm getting something sweet without just killing my day. if i eat one or two i feel a lot better and the sugar craving is satisfied enough to leave me alone.


anyhoo, less than 2 weeks to go now, and i'm excited to see what my final weigh in will be. i still haven't decided if i will continue this for another 30 days or not. but even if i don't specifically, i will certainly be a lot more careful about what i eat.


i really need to do a post about the kids with lots of pictures. it's been so gloomy here recently. waiting for the sun to come out. i will soon though.

two weeks . . .

. . . and my willpower is fading. i mean, i'm not aching for a dozen cookies or anything. 


but maybe just one or two? 


on the other hand, i am losing weight. and though it's not a ton, it's right in the recommended-weekly-weight-loss range to be healthy and be able to keep it off. which means, i'm probably doing something right. 


which makes sense. in that i haven't taken any drastic measures, just eating more responsibly and exercising.


so, wish me luck. 


i'm starting to need it.