A Measure of Peace

So, as the pressure's been mounting while the bank account goes down and the bills go up (or at least if feels like it), it's been getting harder and harder to keep the faith. That's pretty common, I know. That is, of course, the real test of faith. It's easy to "have faith" when everything's going well and there aren't too many trials, but it's much more difficult when things are going badly. Of course, if you have lots of faith in the easy times, but it disappears during the tough periods, it wouldn't really be considered faith right?

Well, my faith is being tested. I've been doing pretty well, I think, seeing as it's been over a year since Paul lost his job and we've been living on mediocre pay and savings. But it's getting tougher, and I've been having a harder time being so "faithful". Most days, I do fine because, more than not, I simply refuse to acknowledge the possibility that we may run out of money before we find another job or another way to sustain ourselves. However, occasionally (usually after paying the bills) I get very down and realize we're on a downward slope with no end in sight.

It's been quite awhile since we've gone to the temple as a couple. I went once at about 7 months pregnant with Carolyn, and then not again for a long time. She called me last week and asked if I wanted to go Friday morning with her. I decided that would be an excellent idea since it's been much too long. Plus, it was a great birthday present, and I was really needing some clarity and perspective in my life. It was a good session, but I can't say that I had any "ah ha" moments. Maybe I wasn't trying hard enough or in the right frame of mind.

I told Paul it was high time we (especially he) did a session, so we decided to go together this last Tuesday night. While we sat in the Celestial Room I asked him if he'd received any epiphanies. He said yes, but he didn't think I'd want to hear what it was.

I asked.

He told me.

Patience.

That was it. The answer he received was "be patient."

Ahhh!

I cried.

At that moment, at that place in the temple that is not what I wanted him to say. 

That was less than a week ago. However, I have found peace from that simple answer in the days since. We have talked, discussed, realized we do have options. As these options have been presented or pointed out by others, I've come to the understanding that if, in two months, we can't pay our mortgage, all is not sunk. We will not be kicked out of our house immediately, or even imminently. The Lord does indeed have a larger plan for us. I'm sure of that again. My faith has been restored, and I have found peace with our future, whatever that might be.