These are the two dances that touched me the most from this season's SYTYCD. They are almost opposites in a lot of ways, but they are both extremely powerful and beautifully danced. They just give me chills when I watch them. If you have a minute, watch them because they are amazing.

Oh and the song on the second one, beautiful. She's amazing!

work is good

good news: paul started a job yesterday. yay. bad news: he's only making about half of what he was making at Matt so we're still not completely out of the financial trouble. thanks to everyone who said prayers on our behalf, their effects were felt. I am hoping that between the paper route and the new job we will be able to get back some semblance of normal around here. depending on what his paychecks from weed man look like we might not even be going backward anymore! And the really nice thing is that he goes into work early, about 6, but he'll be done for the day around 2 or 3, so i'm really happy about that!

anyhoo, just thought you'd all like to know that we're not dying...or getting kicked out of our house...or declaring bankruptcy. =) things are getting better...slowly. buy slow's better than not at all right?

Life sucks sometimes

last saturday our house was "broken" into. they stole our computer, printer, camera, keys and a very cheap ring (which i'm sure they thought was worth something). this sucks. you ever had that happen? and you just want to find the person who did it and say "you can have my computer if you really want it or need it that bad. really, it's just stuff to me, but please, PLEASE give me back my pictures that you stole. those are irreplaceable."

i know lots of people that use their memory cards, download pictures and then delete them to reuse said card. i didn't delete any of them, just bought more so that if something like this ever happened or my computer crashed or whatever, i'd still have those memories. i was shocked when i saw the empty computer desk, but my one consolation was that i still had all my pictures. but when paul discovered that something else that was missing was our camera...in the case...with all the cards, i cried. i was angry and hurt and sad.

we spent sunday trying to get things back in order. we obviously couldn't go to church since they had a key to the house (we think...we haven't been able to find paul's other set) and a key to the suburban. the locksmith came and replaced all our locks. just when we feel like we're going to be okay, and money came in somewhere that we didn't expect, it has to go out somewhere that we didn't expect. fortunately it was only about $100 to rekey our whole house. and to change the ignition cylinder in the suburban was only $15 (the cost of the part. it's great to have friends who know about things like cars and can help it). and it was actually really simple to fix.

this summer has been awful. i was expecting to actually have the first summer we weren't completely broke since we got married. life was going to be good. we were going to go camping and visiting family and friends and go to the beach, or even just the zoo, and maybe take a vacation or two. we haven't gotten to do any of those things. i hate being broke, but i hate the uncertainty of life more. i hate not being able to spend time making good memories with my husband and kids, but i hate the pressure and depression that paul's been feeling and the fear that creeps in more.

i know, i should count my blessings, and don't get me wrong, i am. i can't believe that we still have money (a decent amount) in savings, and we've been blessed with fantastic friends that have really showed their colors while we're struggling, and with family that prays for us constanly and really cares. because, it's nice just to know that someone cares--really cares and wonders and is concerned for our well being.

so thank you to everyone, thank you to HF for supporting us...but can i make a request? can we be done with this trial now? don't you think two break ins in less than a year is enough?

maybe he's trying to gear us up for moving. maybe this is his way of mentally preparing us for very big changes. well, if that's the case, bring it on because i think i'm there now. i'm ready for a change. i'm ready to follow wherever the path leads just to find some stability and security.

I'm ready for what comes next.

4th of july (better late than never?)

i've been bad about updating my blog recently. partly because i don't have a camera currently so i have no pictures to post and partly because things aren't super great here right now. but just so you know, we had a great time on the 4th. first thing, we had a ward party/picnic out behind the church building. paul spent all morning helping to cook and keith gave himself a nice fat lip on a bench (i think...i'm not quite sure). we have a great ward and have made so many friends.

after the ward party we headed down to tulare to see rachel cause i've missed her so! because the pool guy hasn't been doing a very good job at mom's we all went over to the morris's just down the street and had a great time playing in the pool for a couple hours. we went on the slide and had just a great time. keith is finally getting to really like the water again and get over this winter hiatus of no swimming. alexa LOVES the water and i'm so excited about that. she just splashes and kicks her little legs like crazy.

after we got our fill of sun and water we drove back to fresno, all took showers and got ready to go to buchanan high school for the freedom fest. we met daniel and tiffany netzley there and let the kids play, and drew and ella came too after she got off work at chuckchansi ball park. daniel got the tickets for free so it didn't cost any of us anything but gass. the firework show was awesome. it was really just a great 4th.

not great photos, but here some of the 4th i took on my phone. we gave alex a red vine...nice huh.

Super sad

So I just spent about forever talking to my mom on the phone, and she unwittingly dropped a bombshell.

Ferenci, my favorite teacher of all teachers, was sentenced to 6 1/2 years in state prison. Wow.

Wow.

That's about all I've got. I'm depressed and sad for his family and worried about what's going to happen to him and so many other things going through my head. 6 years of his life gone (if not more, and who knows what this will do to him as a person) essentially because of a text message.

How do you process something like this?

Quick update

well, it's been. . .um, two months now since paul lost his job? i'm not even sure. but, so far, no job. not even a crappy one, although he might be getting one very soon. he interviewed and did the physical/drug test/whatever for a beef processing plant called cargill here in fresno. it's long hours and crappy pay, but we don't have a lot of choices right now. we're just waiting to see what happens. there's no official start date or anything right now.

anyway, other than that, life's pretty boring. i wish i had pictures to put on, but unfortunately we don't have a new card for our camera cause we were planning on buying a new one. . .then paul lost his job. so, sadly, i've missed out on a lot of good pictures. oh well. i suppose i should at least go buy a new card for my old crappy camera.

keith's going through an awful stage where he gets into everything he knows he's not supposed to, multiple times, then throws major fits when he doesn't get what he wants. i hope it doesn't last too long cause it's driving me crazy!

alexa's got some nasty diaper rash that won't seem to go away no matter what i do. she's such a happy girl though. she still hasn't rolled from back to tummy and still can't get her knees up under her all the way. she can rotate and move backwards only currently.

as for me, i have a nasty bruised thumb that hurts something fierce (and when i say thumb, i mean thumb, plus whole bottom corner of my palm, which is purple). i'm having an awful time trying to lose weight and my patience isn't up to par. other than that, things are great! haha. but seriously, i need a break. i need to go camping or to the beach or something. it's been WAY too many months since i've gotten away for even just overnight, and i need a break. i haven't even been up to the mountains since october (when the saturn exploded), even just to drive around. . .isn't that sad?

24

i had such a super awesome birthday! in the 5 years since paul and i got married, this one wins hands down. i kept trying to explain to paul it wasn't about the gift, or any gift for that matter, it was about the sincere thought and effort. he scored big this year.

i woke up at 6:45 (why so early??) and the kids and paul were gone. he had left a note on alexa's door saying he had them, not to worry, and he'd be back soon...or something like that. he returned kid-free. that was fantastic. he bought me a new pair of reefs, which i was desperately needing and made me breakfast. then we spent a childless morning spending time with each other like we haven't gotten to do for a very long time. it was fantastic. we saw a movie (which we didn't pay for because we had tickets from christmas) and then had lunch.

all of that, alone would have been enough to keep me happy for a very long time, but the birthday fun continued on saturday when we drove to lindsay. becky was sweet enough to watch our kids while we played at mcdermont all day, which was also didn't pay for because she had a ton of money stored up on her card. we played laser tag, pool, air hockey, virtual bowling, some hoops arcarde games and climbed the huge rock wall (which was by far my favorite part!).

but wait, there's more! (haha) then we drove to tulare where mom took the kids and we went to encore theatre's production of fiddler on the roof jr. where j.d. casey played tevye (who was awesome, by the way!). it was the best birthday weekend ever.

thank you to everyone who watched my kids, it wouldn't've been possible without ya'll!