okay, so not lower, just longer. i feel like we've been in limbo for the last two years. yep, that's right, we're coming up on TWO years since paul lost his job with matt. and we're still in our house...somehow. we're still making ends meet...somehow. i feel like we're treading water. and on the one hand i'm very grateful we haven't lost our house and we've been very blessed financially, on the other hand part of me wishes we could just come to some kind of resolution so we could be done with the waiting and uncertainty.
we could be done with the "what if" and the "where will we be in a year?" questions. because i know we'd be fine if we had to leave our house. i wouldn't like it and i know paul would have a hard time with it, but we'd be okay. we have lots of places to go and paul does have a good job. we'd be just fine if we had to go back to renting. in some ways i think it would be a blessing. we could move down to visalia/tulare area where paul is working, which would give me more help, save him lots of driving time and give me a chance to work with mom in the shop. i'm willing to move, even out of state (maybe especially) and yet, we're still here. so i know we're still supposed to be here for some reason or another because if it were time to go we'd be gone.
on the other hand, it's nice to know i don't have to make all my own decisions. its nice to know i don't have to make the decisions about what's best for my family all on my own because i'm sure i'd screw it up (i would have already, i know). i guess for now i can take comfort in the fact that whatever happens it's part of a bigger plan. hopefully a better plan too. one with maybe a little more financial stability sooner rather than later. :)
but just so everyone knows, we're doing okay. really. i couldn't explain how except to say God has a plan for us and for now it doesn't include leaving our house. not just yet anyway....