Monday, December 26, 2011

growing up near both sets of grandparents, we had pretty set traditions for when and where we celebrated holidays. but christmas morning was always just us, the immediate family. and i loved growing up that way. i've kind of taken it for granted that it would be the same for my kids. i mean, i never expected to stay here in the central valley my whole life, but i hadn't really thought about what that meant in terms of holidays and specific things we'd be giving up or moving away from. 

christmas this year has been really really great. it's been fun, we've had a lot of special teaching moments with the kids, i've felt the meaning of christmas more than any other year and things were relaxed and enjoyable. but last night, on the way home from my mom's i had a realization. this year will be the last year, at least for the foreseeable future, that we will be able to do christmas morning together as a family and still be within driving distance of family, especially parents.

and that made me a little sad.

we will either have our christmas morning as a family or christmas with extended family. we will no longer be able to have the blessing of both. and i will miss that. i will especially miss that for my kids.

but i'm grateful for all the years we have been able to enjoy such a blessing and my kids have too, even though they won't remember it.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

christmas on sunday

i have a confession to make. when i first discovered that christmas was on a sunday this year i was disappointed. 

on a different, but related note, i've really wondered, like i never have how to make this holiday real and important to my kids. how can i make sure that they really understand why we celebrate christmas? they're really young, but if we don't teach them now it won't mean too much later. i want them knowing from as early as they can remember that christmas is for charity and family and service and reflection.

i, myself have felt very reflective this year and felt the true meaning of christmas a little more this year than i ever have in my 26 christmases. as i struggled with how to convey to them how truly important christmas is, i realized having christmas on sunday is perfect. what better way to teach them that christmas is about Christ than to actually worship in Christ's house? 

actually writing that (and re-reading it) makes me feel silly because so many people already know that, that's why they have midnight mass and other special church services on christmas day. but because we live our religion more than some we don't consider it essential to actually be in church on christmas to celebrate and show our respect. but i do consider it a bonus and hope that it will help to show my children how important christmas--and all that it represents--is to me.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

grateful for...

a husband who works really hard, but doesn't forget that family is more important than money.

paul got his commission check today. it was so much bigger than i was anticipating, especially since i wasn't really counting on it. things have been so up in the air and while we've been trying really hard to save money it just hasn't seemed to be working for one reason or another. there were some necessities that had to be paid for and a few wants and it just wasn't happening. i was pretty confident that we had enough money to make our move when the time came, but i just wasn't positive. but now i'm very confident. and that makes enjoying the holidays a little easier because it's one less thing to worry about.

i feel very blessed this holiday season. we've been very well taken care of by our heavenly father. i'm so very grateful to generous and supportive friends and family. it makes no logical sense that we're not completely and utterly broke, but somehow we're not, and i know it's not due to my amazing budgeting skills. 

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

precious moments...

These days this scene doesn't happen too often anymore. They're too squirmy to sit still and rarely want to cuddle for longer than about 30 seconds. Poor Freddy was feeling so yucky though yesterday. I don't know what he ate, but he was emptying his stomach from about 5:30 until 8:00. He just wanted to be held, and it was nice to just hold him for awhile.

On a side note, we really need to finally purchase a camera . . . maybe after the move.

Friday, November 4, 2011

conflicting emotions

i'm torn between impatience to hurry up and do this move thing, get it over with and begin our next adventure and gratitude that we get to stay through the holidays and enjoy our last minimal-traveling thanksgiving and christmas with family.

hmm, i guess i haven't really announced formally what's going on with us and the decisions we've come to. after a lot of fasting and prayer we've come to the conclusion that we are supposed to move to southern Oregon. i don't know why, and i don't know what to expect there. i do know that winter isn't a good time for construction and that we have no viable job prospects as of this point. but i also know that i've felt very strongly from the beginning that the time frame we were looking at was about 6 months (and that was back in July, so January). and, i also know the answers i've received are solid and based in my understanding of the gospel. and the most important thing i know: if that's where the Lord wants to send us/needs us we will somehow, some way, be taken care of financially (and in every other way, but let's face it, that's the most immediate need). 

it occurred to me that by going to oregon paul and i will be the only members of our family not near family. there's something sad about that. on the other hand, i'm humbled by the fact that Heavenly Father must have a lot of faith in us to send us so far from our main support systems. right? lol well, that's what i'll choose to believe anyway.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011


it's time! answers seem to be coming. as soon as i know for sure i will post it for all to hear (or read), but for now it will have to suffice to say i feel good. really good. for the first time since this whole ordeal started i feel like i can see a clear path ahead. things seem to be going according to the timeline i got the impression we were working with 4 months ago. i'm so very excited to see what comes next. i'm also happy that we will get to spend the holidays here for one more year. thanks to everyone for all the prayers and support. we feel very loved.

Friday, October 21, 2011

what a pickle...

how do you go about receiving answers when you're not even sure what the question should be?

Tuesday, October 18, 2011


i made this for my babysitter. it's what she wanted. so much fun. :)

Friday, October 7, 2011

better now

paul and i went out last night. we picked up my pint of ice cream, drove out to the country and parked by the side of the road. we talked, we theorized, we found the good; we basically just spent some much needed one-on-one time together talking without any distractions. i think we're both doing a lot better. 

we're disappointed still, but there's a lot to be happy about as well. he's amazed me with his continued determination to be positive. it's always been something he's struggled with but something seems to have clicked in him in the last few weeks. i'm so impressed and pleased with the changes he's made. it has helped us both out immensely. he's discovered it's possible to be happy, even in the face of really trying circumstances and i've gotten a break from carrying the brunt of the emotional load.

despite the way things have gone down i'm still full of hope and the feeling that all is well and all will be well. really, i feel peaceful and blessed in so many ways right now. i think i kind of knew this wasn't the job for us, but still, that only helps to temper the disappointment so much. but, if this is a test--and i suspect that it is--we are ready to meet the demands this time. we are ready to forge through and redouble our efforts to prove our faith and obedience.

thank you so much to everyone who's been there for us, with us, praying for us, cheering for us, encouraging us. it's times like these that really teach you what is important and help you to recognize your blessings, some that you may have taken for granted in the past. we love you all!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

it's official:

he didn't get the job. 


that was the sound of my hopes going out the window.

ugh. now what?

well, same as before i guess.

more resumes.

more praying for miracles.

positive thinking....

but i gotta be honest, 

right now,

i'm crying.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011


i had paul take the puppies and gigi to the pound. i feel really bad, but i just couldn't handle anything else right now. my stress levels are so high. i wish we could've kept them and watched them grow until we could find homes for them, but i just hit a wall today. a huge, overwhelming wall that feels not just like it's in my way, but that it's actually falling on me. i guess paul didn't get the job because it's been 3 weeks and they still haven't called. guess it's back to square one. sigh. 

Saturday, October 1, 2011


paul and i had the same dream (about a week apart). 

personal revelation? 

or desire manifesting itself through our subconscious? 

i hope the former.

and i hope to find out very soon.

Sunday, September 25, 2011


why do you seem so elusive?

 if i don't hear something tomorrow i may just scream.

deep cleansing breaths....

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

fun with moving boxes...

because it's been far too long since i posted pictures of my little munchkins and because this was just too fun:

Monday, September 19, 2011


just so everyone knows, and by "everyone" i mean my blog readers, so all 4 of you, this is what's happening: paul and i drove up to concord last wednesday for an interview with swinerton incorporated located in san antonio, texas. paul did a good job in the interview and hopefully impressed him. 

we know for sure he did impress him enough that he said his resume would be "passed up" to the operations manager who would make the final decision. we also know that, tops, there were four guys contending for the job. the one interview/resume before him was also "passed up" and there were two after him. whether all four were passed up, we don't know. so it could be as great as a 50% chance of getting the job and as little as 25%. we were also told that we would know the outcome one way or another, at the latest, one week from today. 

we don't know if they will want to do another round of interviews or just hire based on recommendation of first interviewer/resumes. and we're not entirely sure of when they would want him if they do in fact offer him the job except it would be very quick. one, possibly two weeks. the projects start in october.

i'm starting to get really anxious, and excited, and--oy--emtionally invested. texas is a long way away from everyone. but, it would be so super great for paul to get his foot back in the door and build experience and contacts and maybe even start to put a little money back into savings. i'm sitting on pins and needles waiting and wondering and deciding what to plan. as hard as it was living the last two years in a "if"-type state, this is so much harder! knowing we're this close, but now knowing when, where, if, ever. . .it's kind of emotionally exhausting. i can't make plans or commitments and am getting tired of the phrase "we just don't know yet."

i know everyone's got their own things going on, but i'm going to ask because we can use all the help we can get; if you can remember us in our prayers (and i know many of you have been praying for us for a good long time) this week we would really appreciate it. 

Monday, September 12, 2011

settling in

is it weird that after almost 5 1/2 years of being a mom i just barely feel like i'm starting to settle in and enjoy it? 

to anyone who knows me, the fact that i don't really "like" kids would not come as a shock. i love my kids. love, love. really. but i wouldn't classify myself as a "kid person". and because of that it's been tough for me as a mom. in a lot of important ways it has really not come natural to me. 

but now, i feel like i'm really hitting my stride. i've always looked around at other parents and families and then looked at myself and my family and felt like i was missing something; like i just wasn't really getting it or someone forgot to tell me something, and then we had "a moment" several months back. at the time i thought it was just an exceptionally good day. but now i realize it was the beginning of the change. 

things are finally starting to feel different, in a good way. i feel like i'm settling in and becoming a little more patient, a little more loving, and a little more like a mom and a little less like someone playing house. maybe it's age? maybe it's my spiritual maturity? maybe it's just a consequence of time. i'm not really sure, but i'm really enjoying the feeling. and feeling like maybe i'm not completely hopeless after all.

Monday, August 29, 2011

there's good news and there's bad news...

the good news is i've discovered the cleanliness/orderliness of my house has a profound effect on my mood so clean house = happy me. and it's really that simple.

the bad news is the status of my house has a profound effect on my mood.

i understand most people (if not all) experience this to some degree or another. mine is so severe as to make me either completely lazy, and put me in a funk for long periods of a time or keep me cheerful, patient and highly motivated. it's quite extreme. on the one hand, it's great to have such a simple answer for my mood. on the other hand, it's not always easy to keep my house clean with 4 little ones running around and undoing everything i do almost as fast as i undo it (sometimes faster). however, i've always had a strong desire to be clean. like really clean, and organized. and i'm discovering if i break it up it's actually not terribly hard. 

i also understand that this isn't just a "mood" thing. it is in fact my ability to recognize and feel the spirit. i'm very sensitive to presence of the holy ghost (or lack thereof) and apparently i need just the right conditions to feel his calming presence. hopefully this knowledge will be a great tool in my personal revelation as well. learning to recognize how it works for you is key, right?

so, now that i know what i'm dealing with hopefully i can use this as motivation to really keep my house clean. fortunately, my husband is very helpful in this way, especially if i make specific requests. and the kids aren't too bad at it either if i'm specific with them as well and reward them according to their efforts. i wish i were more unflappable, but sadly it seems that i am not. oh well. i'm learning to make things work for me. that's a start.

Friday, August 26, 2011

delayed reaction

i've noticed in life that i seem to have a delayed reaction to a lot of life's big events. i always think i'm okay and that maybe something's wrong with me, but then "it", whatever "it" is, seems to hit me later, at about the time that the rest of the world is starting to come to terms. it happened to me again today. today is the last day of the first week of school. because of the craziness of the drop-off i've been getting out and escorting keith to class, or halfway to class still trying to figure out where he's supposed to be, where he waits when he's early (because he can't go wait in class, and going to the playground is out too since he's in K so not on the regular playground). after 4 days of this, i figured today he was ready and had been to class enough to get there himself. so, i pulled through the bus zone, let him out, watched him walk to the cafeteria and drove away. 

woah! that was my moment. suddenly i thought "wow, he's so big! he's doing this by himself now. and he's totally okay." i shed a little tear inside today. on the one hand i'm happy drop-off will be so much easier this year and i don't have to haul the other three around, plus, he's getting a little more fun and interesting every day, on the other hand i'm a little sad that keith is big enough to do it alone now. but, i'm sure having fun watching him grow up. :)

Sunday, August 21, 2011

every now and then....

it would be nice to say/do the right thing at the right time. i'm so sick of looking back and saying "why did i say/do that? what was wrong with just staying silent or saying the first thing that came to my mind which was innocent instead of having to come up with a stupid 'comeback'?" ugh. i have to believe there's hope as i learn from each past experience. this time i even thought for quite some time before i spoke and STILL said the wrong thing. it's hard to overcome years of conditioning i guess. 

but, i'm working on it.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011


we've been in limbo for the last 2+ years basically, and yet, we've now reached a new level of limbo. it's such an odd feeling to be 99% certain that we're moving, but not know ANY details such as when, where, why. it could be in a month, it could be in six. it could be in a year. it's actually kind of frustrating. i'd like to start packing up, and yet at the same time without knowing any details i don't want to risk packing up things that we will need in the next several months. i wish i had some answers. ANY answers. it's like playing a particularly difficult game of clue. no matter what you do it takes certain amount of time to get to the end, except in this game i have no idea how long it will be before all the pieces fall into place and it will most likely happen all at once instead of one clue at a time.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

home sweet home

we had great vacation for the most part. we got to go to utah for the first time in 1.5 years and go to the west family reunion for the first time in 5 years, i think. that's a long time. but, as grandma west turned 95 this year it seemed monumentally important to make the trek whether we could really afford it or not, because really, in the long run, won't the memories be more important than the things we couldn't buy because of the money spent going? sometimes, i have to remind myself that, though as we go along.

tuesday we got to take family pictures. paul's cousin is a great photographer and she offered to take pictures when we were at the family reunion. it's been a little while so i said yes. the location was amazing and it was a lot of fun even with uncooperative kids. but i guess that's life at this age, right?

paul spent all day wednesday going to construction companies and handing in resumes in person. unfortunately though alexa got sick tuesday. i thought she was over it, but then she spend a good portion of the night throwing up. . .and then baz joined her. ugh. i really hope something good comes of all this work paul's been putting in because he's been working really long hours at work trying to catch up and he's been working hard while in utah for two days on finding a job. just feels like i haven't seen him for such a long time.

on the bright side, while he was out wednesday, i got to see a friend i haven't seen in about 8 years. we were friends when we were kids before she moved to UT. it was so great to see her! it's weird that we're all grown up and have kids of our own and such. when did all that happen?

we were supposed to go camping with liss and nate, but because kids got sick all over we decided that probably wasn't a great idea. i felt so bad. :( i really wanted to go, but it just wasn't possible this time. thursday paul had an interview with a local cable company. i don't think he'll probably get the job, but it was good for him to have an interview. 

friday we took a hike up above sundance. it was great fun. the kids did such a great job on a relatively tough hike for such short little legs. keith really enjoyed getting really close to the waterfall and being in the wind and spray. he thought it was so cool. friday night we did a little home camping. we roasted marshmallows over jen and paul's fire pit and then made smores. the kids thought it was great fun and we really enjoyed it too. we even slept outside in tents. it was great family fun.

we left for home last night. got home today at 7:30 AM. it was a pretty quick and uneventful drive, fortunately. we didn't really want to come home, but we did have a great time while we were there. i wish i had pictures, but i suck at being on top of things like that. i'm such a loser.  at least i have my memories and hopefully we'll get to do things like we did again maybe even next summer.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

i feel amazing

wow, between working really hard to clean my house and keep it clean, exercising (and losing just a little weight at the same time) and feeling the positive winds of change i feel so good lately! i love this feeling, and i wish it could last. of course, that's not the way it works so i will enjoy it while it lasts.

on a different, but related, note. i've been reading dr. john gray's "men are from mars, women are from venus" book. i started reading the chapter entitled "women are like waves" and thought "well, that's just silly. i mean, sure maybe some women, but i don't think i really rise and fall like that." however, as i got further into the chapter and read some of the examples of ways we, as women do this and really thought about my past behavior i began to realize that that is me. wow. on the one hand i felt so silly and arrogant for dismissing it so quickly and on the other hand i felt a little better realizing that i wasn't suffering from selective depression but that it's actually a very normal cycle of feelings for women. what a great book! everyone in a relationship needs to read this. it's like a "man to woman" dictionary and vice versa. so to anyone who has said "(wo)men should come with a manual so i can understand them!" this book is it. sure, it won't solve all relationship problems, but it should help make some serious improvements in the communication department which should help everywhere else.

Monday, July 18, 2011


we've gathered all paperwork to get our short sale started. i'm excited to get this underway and continue down our chosen path. i feel good. i feel great. 

but i also feel anxious. 

when it's time for changes it seems like they can't possibly come fast enough, and yet i know we have a little time to wait. feels like a 6 months waiting period is what we're looking at right now. i'm not sure why, but that's just how it feels. 

wish us luck, and please, keep those prayers coming. i wish i had a clear time table in front of me. it would make the waiting much easier, but of course that doesn't require faith. oy. more than 2 years now. i'm ready for something good on the job front. anything!

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

feeling optimistic

changes are brewing. things are shifting. and we both feel great about our new direction. i'm excited to see what's going to happen in the next 6 months. as things happen i will be sure to keep everyone updated about what's happening. 

good things are coming....i can feel it.

Monday, June 27, 2011

i'm so tireeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

sorry. think i dozed off there.

right now what i need most (besides instantaneous travel) is a shower, my own bed, my body pillow, and my husband next to me.

i've had a great time in UT, but i'm ready to go home. actually, i'd love to stay here...but in my own house, and with my husband here. don't worry, i wasn't seduced by the dark side, otherwise known as 'utah'. i'm just so done with fresno. soo done. and i miss my sisters. we had a lot of fun this trip and some great laughs. even the one sister who lives near me doesn't live near to me, enough to get to see her often. sigh. oh transient life (mine and others), i'm so sick of you. is a stable job and a desirable location too much to ask for? maybe i'll write a letter to santa this year...

Wednesday, June 1, 2011


are all my blogging friends?? 

come on people, don't you know i have no life and get my thrills vicariously through your blogs??

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Half Marathon

I'm very excited to say that I'm training for a half marathon. 

In January of 2012 my sisters-in-law Christy, Rada and myself are running (jogging, walking) the Tinker Bell half marathon at Disneyland! 

It's a long way off, but still, it's good to have a goal. 
I'm thinking about doing another in November here in Fresno as well, partly as a trial run because the time regulations are much more strict at Disneyland (must finish in 3.5 hours. can be picked up at any time and taken to end if not keeping pace.) and partly because I really wanted to do this particular one last year and didn't do it. 
You can follow my training here if you want. 
I will probably do most of my run-related posts there just to keep this one less boring. 

Sunday, May 15, 2011


Anyone else counting down until summer? Only 3 and a half weeks of school. Yay! And then, camping. Double yay! I'm so looking forward to swimming, camping, playing outside, barbeques, and just lots of water fun. I need a break. This school thing is tough even for mom! Can't imagine how much Keith must need it. I'm just excited for change. 

And as an aside, can you believe it's almost June already too. We're almost halfway through 2011 already. Life just flies by doesn't it?

Monday, May 2, 2011


mom and dad west were thoughtful enough to buy the groupon for the fresno phil. i haven't been to the symphony in a long time. because of the exhausting 2 weeks preceding the concert i was hesitant to go and really thought seriously about skipping out. in fact, if someone else hadn't bought the tickets, i probably would have. but, i'm really glad i didn't.

as soon as it started and i heard the strings play i heaved this big sigh of contentment and thought "yes, i've been missing this."

life is crazy and sometimes it's hard to find time even for our passions in life when you're taking care of 4 (some could argue 5) other people. from time to time i've thought to myself that i just don't know if i love music enough to continue working on it while struggling just to survive kids and life. and that it's too late to really DO anything with the talent. don't get me wrong, i will never completely abandon it or stop playing the piano, but i feel at times that i'm happy with the current level of my abilities and don't have much desire to continue to work.

then something happens. 

i went to time out for women and listened to michael mclean and john bytheway (who is not a musician but showed us a video of him playing the banjo which he learned in the last few years--awesome!) and hilary weeks and thought "this is what i want to do! it's not even kind of too late. they're all in their 40's and 50's. i can spend the next 1 to 2 decades really learning my craft." and i realize i really do love music and want to continue magnifying my talent.

then i forgot again.

then i went to the symphony and my soul sighed in delight. and i remembered my love. and why it's been my love from the first time i started the trumpet. i'm certain it's meant to be part of my life. somehow, some way. and i think that's it's supposed to be a part of my life that i share with others and not just something i do. i'm certain there's a whole huge area of my talent that i haven't even tapped yet.

but i think i'm going to need some constant reminding for awhile because right now, some days it's all i can do just to keep my head above water...
you know, i had a piano teacher who once said to me desiring to have more than two kids was very "optimistic". now, more than 5 years later i'm sure the word isn't "optimistic" but instead "arrogant". 

seriously, how very arrogant was i to think i could handle child rearing? and not just one, but FOUR? i must be out of my mind. but, god willing (and i'm pretty certain He is or He wouldn't have sent me all these precious souls), i will make it through this. 


Friday, April 1, 2011

lesson in manners

overheard at my house while mashing bananas for muffins:

Keith: "you're good at smashing bananas mommy."

Me: "what can i say..."

Keith: (pause) " can say 'thank you.'"

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

change is good. :)

I've wanted to cut my hair short for a long time. But the fact that my hair is pretty thin and very fine has always made me hesitate. I was always so worried it would just sit there limply and look (if possible) even worse than my blah-straight long hair. I really thought I'd have long hair forever because I didn't have the guts to cut it. But after looking at another person's picture and then searching through pictures of people with short hair that looked similar in texture to mine I finally decided to take the plunge. Summer's coming and I hate my long hair in the pool. I was just sick of it. All of it. I was so ready. So, I asked a friend if she could and if she would. And she totally surprised me by showing up at my house with her scissors, a smile and a question. 

"Is she serious? Because I will."

I love her! She's such a great friend and this is one of the best presents I've gotten in a long time. And, the best part, 

Seriously. Love. :))

Monday, March 28, 2011

don't make any sudden movements

it's been an up weekend. a way up weekend. the kind i haven't had in longer than i can remember with any accuracy.

mom was great enough to take my kids friday night (and rachel was great enough to do most of the taking care of them for the night due to mom's poor bum ankle) and paul and i got to spend some time alone in our house. it was really nice and just what i needed. i'm extremely grateful my kids don't have attachment issues and love pretty much everyone. it makes it exceptionally easy to leave them with other people when the rare opportunities present themselves.

i'm also very grateful to have a mom close by who's willing to help out. and one who knows what my life is like.

if i can figure out how to make this feeling last i think i will be okay. the bad news it, i won't always be like this, in reality. life would be much too easy like that. the good news it i think i've found some answers i've been looking for and i'm hoping i can "make it stick." it's good to know that Heavenly Father really does answer prayers. and He does!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

allow me a moment

i must be doing something right because it seems i've had more good days than i've had for a long time. the problem is the swinging wildly from one day to the next. how do i keep from vacillating between a pretty good day and a i-just-can't-do-this-anymore days? 

i can't figure it out! and it's driving me crazy.

is it normal to have super productive days next to super lazy days? is there a way to even them out so i have mostly productive days every day instead of great days next to wasted ones? 

ugh, i can't figure this wife/mom/homemaker thing out. i can't seem to find my balance. does it ever get better?

i'm super grateful i've had a lot more "life is good" days recently in the last couple months than in the last 3 years combined...i jest (but not). but i wish i could find the magic formula. the reason for my upbeat content days. 

don't get me wrong. i understand that there will always be i-just-can't-do-this-anymore days no matter what. and i'm okay with that.

but i'd love to see the pendulum swing so far the other way that those are the off days and not the standard. my mountains are's the valleys that aren't so great.

here's to hoping the valleys get narrower, the climb gets easier (that is, my capacity to climb), and the summits longer and closer together.

Friday, February 25, 2011

limbo lower now...

okay, so not lower, just longer. i feel like we've been in limbo for the last two years. yep, that's right, we're coming up on TWO years since paul lost his job with matt. and we're still in our house...somehow. we're still making ends meet...somehow. i feel like we're treading water. and on the one hand i'm very grateful we haven't lost our house and we've been very blessed financially, on the other hand part of me wishes we could just come to some kind of resolution so we could be done with the waiting and uncertainty.

we could be done with the "what if" and the "where will we be in a year?" questions. because i know we'd be fine if we had to leave our house. i wouldn't like it and i know paul would have a hard time with it, but we'd be okay. we have lots of places to go and paul does have a good job. we'd be just fine if we had to go back to renting. in some ways i think it would be a blessing. we could move down to visalia/tulare area where paul is working, which would give me more help, save him lots of driving time and give me a chance to work with mom in the shop. i'm willing to move, even out of state (maybe especially) and yet, we're still here. so i know we're still supposed to be here for some reason or another because if it were time to go we'd be gone. 

on the other hand, it's nice to know i don't have to make all my own decisions. its nice to know i don't have to make the decisions about what's best for my family all on my own because i'm sure i'd screw it up (i would have already, i know). i guess for now i can take comfort in the fact that whatever happens it's part of a bigger plan. hopefully a better plan too. one with maybe a little more financial stability sooner rather than later. :) 

but just so everyone knows, we're doing okay. really. i couldn't explain how except to say God has a plan for us and for now it doesn't include leaving our house. not just yet anyway....

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

seems to me...

...i let my laundry-to-be-folded pile get a little out of control. 

fortunately, i got it all tamed, though it took awhile. i hate laundry. 
can i get an "amen!"?

Friday, January 14, 2011

mom moment!

i had one of those mom moments. the one you think you'll never have. it was kind of funny though, i won't lie.

for our 7th anniversary (yay us!) we got out of town and on our way up we did a session in the oakland temple. when we got there we went in to the visitor's center to see when session started etc. on out way from visitor's center to our car to deposit clothes into car, which of course required walking across the parking lot. a car came in from the road and totally unthinking i put my hand out to keep paul from walking out into the road.....which of course is silly. he's an adult and can see a car coming. 

it was subtle. i don't even think paul noticed. but i did. and inside i went "oh my goodness! i just did a mom thing." i laughed and felt silly. oh man, how time changes us.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Now that's what i'm talking about!

It's been a pretty good day. 
Yes, I really said that. 
Yes, I think I even really mean it.
Started with scriptures at 7:30.
Only 2 chapters, but isn't that better than nothing?
Then a prayer.
Yes! I remembered!
Then the craziness of getting Keith off to school.
That part wasn't so great.
BUT, while he was out, I got two kids fed and changed.
I also folded three loads of laundry while washing a fourth.
Got three kids down for naps before picking up number four.
Got in a 45 minute P90X workout, yes!
Ate lunch, fed kids.
Made bed with clean sheets. Love.
Took all four kids and dog for a walk.
(Bonus workout.)
Hung out outside after said walk and enjoyed the sunshine...
After putting two babies back down for naps.

Ahh, isn't that nice?

Oh, and Paul made dinner tonight.
Yes, I think I'll take a few more of these days please.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

it begins...

i'm starting P90X monday. you can follow my journey here. or, even better, you can join me (with something the same or different.) i will post "before" pictures too.