JUST SAY NO!

i love sugar. i love sweets. but i hate the way they make me feel. i hate the way i crave them and feel out of control. i hate the way i can't "just say no".

i'm a goal setting person. i do best when i set a clear goal, write it down, keep track along the way and let other people know so that i'm accountable. it helps build a stronger commitment. 

so, here it is. my commitment: for the next 30 days i'm committing to give up sugar. obviously i can't give up ALL sugar because it's in almost everything, so let me specify as much as i can. no desserts, no candy, no soda, etc. i'm also going to include obvious junk foods such as fast foods. i just need to get it out of my system and this seems like a good way to do it.

now is the perfect time to do it because we have no plans to go anywhere anytime soon. no one to visit and no one visiting, and no major holidays coming up. there IS a birthday coming in two weeks (two actually), so i'm calling a cheat day for that right now, but only on the 13th and a normal sized piece.

i can't promise i won't mess up, but i can promise i will jump back on the wagon as quickly as possible. i'm partly doing this because it's something i've needed and wanted to for a long time, and partly to support my sister who's doing something even more bold and brave. you can read about it here. i couldn't join her in her fast, due to a lot of reasons, but i wanted to support her in a way i could.

i can do this! 

judging books

"you can't judge a book by it's cover"

a common saying. an apt saying even. 

and yet, we still always continue to try.

why is it so easy to make snap judgments based on appearance? even when we make a concerted conscious effort to avoid such shallowness. even when it's a small, minor judgement. frequently, it's unconscious, and yet somewhere, in the back of your mind there it is. 

sometimes it's based on looks, other times on dress, sometimes even just in the way a person moves. and those small things, the things that we perceive, either real or imagined sometimes keep us from opening up and going outside of ourselves to try to make friends. we can be our worst enemies.

i wonder what the world would be like if we were all blind.

running again

it's been almost two weeks since i've run. feels like it's been at least a month. i got new shoes. they're not as good at my old shoes sadly, but i don't have the money to just buy new ones so i will suck it up and deal with it unless they result in injury. i felt like i was going sooo slow, and i ran for less time. between the crap i've eaten in the last three weeks (okay, more like four probably) and the two weeks off (and sporadic running before that) and the new elevation and hills, i figured i'd build back up a bit. it was good to run again. i checked my run though and i guess i actually kept normal pace. wonder why i felt so sluggish? anyhoo, i'm excited to get back into a schedule. run MWFS and b-ball/v-ball on the 'T' days. 
All these fit active people are great motivation!

oregon

tomorrow marks two weeks since we got here.


what?? how is that possible? it's a very strange and conflicting sensation to feel like you've been somewhere for a long time and yet still feel like almost everyone around you is a complete stranger. 


we've already been given a speaking assignment for next sunday, sigh. i knew it would come quickly, but that was really quick! course, they're acting like they're desperate for people because the ward was split back in the fall. i think they were just used to having a ton of people and talents because they still seem like a stronger ward than many i've been in previously.


part of the reason these two weeks have felt like more i think is because between trying to get supplies to put the house together, sports, and a well-timed RS activity i've been out of the house more in the last 2 weeks than probably the last 2 months of living in fresno. and it's been heaven. this place feels like my perfect place in so many ways. so many things i've been wanting, but had no access to in fresno. god has been so good to me! i feel ridiculously blessed.


my house is in order, (almost) everything has a place, and is even in it! we got rid of so much stuff, it's quite a relief. i'm just so . . . happy. and relieved. and excited. 


the only negative feelings i'm feeling right now is the realization setting in of the distance we are from all family. it still feels close, which is great because really it's a doable weekend (if we had the gas money anyway), but i'm starting to miss everyone. it's nice to know that we have plans to visit in june so at least it doesn't feel like it could be forever until we get to see family again, but still, it's tough. so i just want all my family and friends out there to know, 

I MISS YOU ALL!!

P.S.   if anyone comes up this way for any reason (like just to visit...), please please, let us know. we'd love to see you!!

personalities

the twins' personalities are starting to come out. and they totally make me laugh. 

a couple of days ago, we were sitting around in the living room and i can't even remember what exactly sparked it (whatever it was, it was minor), but i think paul took something from baz and baz got this pouty look on his face and looked at the ground. i laughed because it was so dramatic. and he looked up after a few seconds, and then looked back down and i said "aw, he's totally faking!" but it continued . . . and continued.

and then i said, "maybe he's not faking..." and just about the time i thought for sure he was really kind of upset, his head snapped up and with a twinkle in his eye he grinned a huge baz grin and giggled. yeah, he totally fooled me. and paul, i think.

he's done this before too. always with a distinct air of humor, like he can't wait to see our faces when we get the joke. i guess he thinks it's funny to pull one over on people. maybe he will be a prankster? or an actor?

and tonight, we had french toast for dinner. paul put the syrup on their food over at the counter so they didn't see it. so of course, they wanted syrup. but once we said the prayer and everyone started eating he seemed to forget about his desire for syrup and started eating like everyone else. i think he forgot temporarily because i put some cinnamon apples on his plate. so after the apples were gone he went to eat the french toast and remembered i guess. and after a few minutes i looked over at him.

and he had his elbows up on the table and his hands sitting on his fist as he looked at the table rather forlornly. and i said "freddy, what's wrong?" and paul, having not forgotten about his desire for syrup said "he wants syrup probably." i probably wouldn't have thought of it myself. so he pushed the syrup my way, and sure enough as i picked it up and opened the top he got smiley...and then giggly.

now this may seem like the same thing, but there was a key difference. baz was faking it for a laugh. freddy was not faking it at all. he was really quite sad that he didn't get syrup apparently.

but both incidents made me laugh. these guys are funny . . . and trouble. i love watching their personalities emerge though. I'm having so much fun with twins. :)

as i think about moving and the effects it has on everyone i've come to some conclusions:

it's always much harder on the leavEE (i know, not a word) than the leavER. the person who has made this decision to leave, be it a move or a visit away or something, has been mentally preparing for this. they decided to make changes and expect things to be different. the poor leavEE didn't make any such decision to make changes in their life and yet, they still must feel the consequences of a choice made by another.

so, let me just say this, as the leavER i've been planning this for quite some time. and though i've let everyone in on our plans for many months i know it's still different for my friends and family that i'm leaving behind. i'm getting ready for a new adventure and will be so busy getting settled in and exploring my new area and making new friends for awhile that it will probably take a little time to settle in that i've left so many of the people i love behind. i mean, i know that intellectually right now, but i will be too busy for a while to really feel it. at the same time i can hear the sad and hurt from the people i love as they tell me how hard it's going to be for them to see us go. 

i want you, please, to know that though i'm not overly emotional, i do feel the same way you do. it's just a different process for me, on this side. i'm also very very grateful to know that i am loved and that we'll be missed. leaving the people i love here is really the only hard part of leaving for me. the only thing sadder than leaving is leaving and having no one to miss and no one who will miss you. 

so, thank you for caring! thank you for making this just a little difficult to leave. :)

:)