Monday, September 12, 2011

settling in

is it weird that after almost 5 1/2 years of being a mom i just barely feel like i'm starting to settle in and enjoy it? 


to anyone who knows me, the fact that i don't really "like" kids would not come as a shock. i love my kids. love, love. really. but i wouldn't classify myself as a "kid person". and because of that it's been tough for me as a mom. in a lot of important ways it has really not come natural to me. 


but now, i feel like i'm really hitting my stride. i've always looked around at other parents and families and then looked at myself and my family and felt like i was missing something; like i just wasn't really getting it or someone forgot to tell me something, and then we had "a moment" several months back. at the time i thought it was just an exceptionally good day. but now i realize it was the beginning of the change. 


things are finally starting to feel different, in a good way. i feel like i'm settling in and becoming a little more patient, a little more loving, and a little more like a mom and a little less like someone playing house. maybe it's age? maybe it's my spiritual maturity? maybe it's just a consequence of time. i'm not really sure, but i'm really enjoying the feeling. and feeling like maybe i'm not completely hopeless after all.

2 comments:

Mel McDonald said...

I want to hear more about it. We will talk later!

FrankandAsh said...

lol, your funny..I thought all moms felt that way at times. I still will never forget the feeling when they placed Parker on me right after having him and feeling so surreal like I couldn't believe he was actually mine, like I didn't feel mature enough for such a responsibility. I'm not sure if it's really come natural to me, I've read so many different books that I feel a little more confident than I first did. I dunno I think that's just motherhood..I think:)