Square One

I used to think that by the time my third pregnancy came around I'd have a pretty good idea of what to expect during L&D. I realize that all L&Ds are different, but really, after the first two for sure, most women have a pretty good idea of what they'll be doing come the start of contractions or their due date. With the first one I always had a feeling things wouldn't go as smoothly as I'd hoped. Having two older sister who had both experienced c-sections for different reasons, it was a concern for me what would happen to me. However, it's expected that a woman will go into her first L&D with almost no answers and a lot of apprehension.

With #2 I got to experience that first time feeling all over again with a lot of "what if"s and "maybe"s. I really wanted to try for a VBAC and was pleased beyond words to be successful, and with almost no complications at that.

Because I did have such a successful VBAC with almost no concerns, I was sure when I got pregnant with #3 I would continue with another VBAC and all would be well. I would finally know what to expect and not have to go through the constant worry during the whole pregnancy of "Can I?/Can't I?" And now, having found out I'm having twins I feel like I'm at square one again. Right now, I have no idea what to expect. Part of me is prepping myself to hear "I'm sorry, but a VBAC isn't an option." While the other part of me does research and reads reports and thinks "Well, maybe I still can..." I cannot even describe how frustrating this is! Hopefully, the specialist will have some answers for me, and yet, part of me is convinced her answer will be "Let's watch the pregnancy and their growth and positions, etc. and see how it goes," leaving me again without any definitive answers. While, I'd prefer to hear this than a straight "No," it still leaves so much up in the air. I know the best thing for me would be to just forget about it and worry about all that when it actually comes to that point, but unfortunately, that's not entirely possible for me. The not-knowing drives me crazy!

Wish me luck that the doc has some encouraging answers for me next Thursday when Paul and I (and Keith) go to see her. Actually, I guess any answers would be nice. At least then the not-knowing could be over.