Merry Christmas!

Christmas was nice this year. We kept is small and simple, and for the first time in three Christmases in our house we finally had Christmas morning all to ourselves. Not that I mind having family here and being elsewhere next year, but it was another special moment to be just us. It was fun watching Keith and Alexa open stockings and getting excited over things (like new underwear, hehe). Paul and I only did stockings for each other, well except the family photo collage he made for me. =) I went into Christmas with no expectations consciously or subconsciously and consequently it was a much more pleasant holiday for me than it has been for a few years. Actually, last year was quite a good Christmas,  but it was exhausting because of all that we had to do in the last week before Christmas. I was a little better prepared this year. I'm looking forward to this weekend though and the new year. I'm ready to ring in 2011.

Our cute tree. It makes me smile.

Freddy actually slept through all the ruckus. But Baz was up and happy.

Alexa had a lot of fun opening things.

Two new disney movies! yay!

Love this face.

Showing off his cape for daddy.

Oooh, fake food!

Exhaustion

I think I know how an addict feels. It's that moment when you "fall off the wagon" and the overwhelming thought is "I thought I was doing so well, but I haven't made any progress at all!"


And it's so easy for an outsider to point out all the good things, but all you can do it shake your head and sigh, or cry and think of all the ways you should have handled it and all the things you did wrong. It's like a bad movie put on repeat in your head.


Of course that's silly to assume that one mistake, one relapse, nullifies all of the good and progress that has in fact happened, but it doesn't change the overwhelming feeling of failure. The despair and the constant "if only"s that go on in the thought process.


It's been a very bad afternoon and night. I'm drained emotionally, spiritually and physically. I need a break.

Epiphany

Saturday, Paul and I had yet another conversation where I ended up frustrated because I asked Paul a question and just wanted an open, honest answer and he, yet again, responded by saying what he thought I wanted to hear. Consequently, I may have had a mini rant about how I wasn't looking for something specific when I asked him a question, just wanted to know how he felt, really felt, that is.  After some time of this mini rant this conversation may have happened:

Paul: Christa, I just had an epiphany.

Pause.

Me: What's that?

Paul: You want me to be honest with you.

Me: Really?! 

If only I hadn't been so obscure all these years....

i locked the door to the shower a couple days ago. both kids were watching a movie, but inevitably alexa came in and pounded on the bathroom door wanting in. she stopped after awhile.

but then, after i got out of the shower, i opened the door to find this:

yeah, i don't know. she's a pretty quick little thing.

Love this face.

That's a relief....or is it?

Life has been rough this last year. Made even rougher by the fact that I wasn't sure if it was really rough or I just really needed a serious attitude adjustment. Now I know--it's been rough. Not to say that I don't still need an attitude adjustment, because I can almost always benefit from one of those, but I'm slightly relieved to know that I haven't just been dramatic. On the other hand, I can't help but wonder, when is it going to get better? I think we're on a good track to make it happen, but it's going to be a process, and the length of which . . . well, that's anyone's guess. Not to mention the lack of job or even prospects. I'm ready for something good to happen!

Who's with me?

I survived...

my first trip to the grocery store with all four kids and no Paul. it was an event for sure, tiring and far too long--i kept forgetting things across the store, and where i would've just run across the store alone if paul were there, i couldn't leave them alone to grab something--but no meltdowns, like i had anticipated, no crying from either baby (in fact, freddy fell asleep) and while there was a lot of "can we get"s from Keith he took the "no"s pretty well, even if it didn't deter him from asking again in 5 seconds. and while i got the comment "you have your hands full, don't you!" a lot, no one looked at me like i was crazy or asked "are they all yours??" 

Look! Picture evidence!

and, for the record, that stupid enormous cart is huge and annoying to push around. it doesn't corner well and this particular one tried to turn right if i didn't strong arm it constantly to the left. also, with all those kids in the cart, there's not much room for groceries so this is not practical for anything more than a few items. In fact, I had to move a bag of groceries to take this picture because they were sitting atop freddy's head a little. :)

yay me! 

okay, i'm pathetic, i know, but this was big for me!

 My baby girl is 2 today. Yep, already. I could've gotten a picture with her all cute and clean, but I love the chocolate frosting on her face (with the obliterated cake remains in the corner of the picture. She searched only for frosting after awhile.) 

So far I know that: 

she loves her siblings, all of them. She asks for Keith when he's at school and is excited to get him when school's over. 

She has a great sense of humor and loves to tease and play games.

She is agile and loves a thrill.

She likes to sing and dance.

She's very bright and observant.

She LOVES her daddy. A lot. 

She is competitive and will sometimes only do something for me if I ask Keith to do it after she says no.

She's very independent and stubborn. She prefers to do things on her own when she can. This is possibly why she can already dress herself when Keith could not at this age.

She's VERY verbal and loves to talk. A lot. Unfortunately.

She's goofy and likes to make people laugh.

 I love her and she makes me laugh. She is so much fun and I'm so excited to see how her personality will continue to develop. 

Paul took this one about a week ago. She was just tuckered out. It was only about 6:00 pm.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALEXA!

Coolest present ever:

I meant to post this LONG ago but kept forgetting to take a picture of it. 

This was Paul's Mother's Day gift to me. 

It is the most awesome, thoughtful gift he's ever given me. 

I love my hubby and all four of my crazy kids!

my earliest walker?

 I went to get the crying boys out of their cribs to find this:

pulling himself up on things to stand already. . .wow. i'm pretty sure this is before either of my other two.

Life without internet...

has been really tough. i'm not a fb addict or anything like that, though, i admit, i probably spend a little more time than necessary on it. but what i discovered is that i have SO much information and do so many things on my computer! i pay bills, i keep my recipes (which i discovered i don't print out often enough), i talk to distant (and not so distant) family members, and i look up answers to questions about almost everything! it's been a very LONG 4 weeks while my computer's been away getting fixed, but i'm still grateful that at least it broke the day BEFORE my warranty expired. plus, all the time away gave me time to spend with my husband, do quite a bit of reading, and just generally enjoy being disconnected for awhile (i know, i know. i said it drove me crazy. . .but it was also kind of a relief in a way.)

so, be prepared! i'm behind on pictures an info, but i'm going to try to catch up and jump back into the blogging world. well. . .maybe wade, but i'm giving it a go!

night time adventures

Labor Day Camping 2010

So, the annual West Family Campout was last weekend (or rather Labor Day Weekend, which was the weekend before last I guess technically). It was a lot of fun, though I'll be honest, camping with 3 kids 2 years old and under (2 still nursing) was not exactly my idea of an ideall camping trip, and it's definitely not on my to do list anytime soon. Fortunately though everyone loves my kids so I didn't have to hold them ALL the time, though I couldn't let them roll around on the floor since, well, eew.

It was pretty uneventful as far as camping goes, but Rachel came with us which was great. I always love spending time with her, and all the West family members made it except Shawn, which is to be expected with his busy flying schedule. We did get to see him just last Friday night though as he was in town, which was nice.

My kids got filthy, but seemed to love just about every minute of it. Nights were rough for pretty much everyone. As in true camping tradition, I didn't sleep almost at all the first night. The other two were better than that, but for such a large tent we were oddly cramped between children. :)


Alexa loved the dirt and the marshmallows. She was truly disgusting for most of the trip, but at least her hair was cute, haha. I'm just glad it was out of her face or it would've been SOO gross!

Cousin Kimber really loved her little cousins.







Alexa loves dolls or barbies or anything that can be called "baby"













Uncle John took the kids rock climbing.

Keith was fine at first...













 then he looked down...











then he froze. But daddy and a cousin came to his rescue. I think he still enjoyed himself and isn't scarred for life, but we shall see. :)

Totally gross...

But I love them anyway. :)

First Day of Preschool

 Unfortunately, these won't get any better as they are phone shots. I didn't get a chance to get a picture with a good camera. These at least are something I guess.

Day one went pretty well, but then, they ask all the parents to stay for the whole first day to have a Q&A session and help the child transition. Our biggest problem seem to come when he saw the school. He was excited for school, except that last year we did an informal preschool with church people and I'm pretty sure he was under the impression we were doing that, so when he didn't see a familiar friend's house he started to cry. But, it didn't last too long and I assured him he would make lots of friends and enjoy school here.

Day two was iffy. As he has to be signed in and out every day I had to unload all 4 kids (and will every day. joy.) to go into his classroom to sign him in. I made as quick an exit as possible, even while I recognized that many parents were hanging out for awhile yet. He was sad to see me go, and almost cried but when I told him I was coming back in a little while he was okay, though I could tell he was still sad.

As we left and I grabbed the babies and Alexa she said "Where Keith?" and I explained to her that he was staying. She said "okay." I think she did okay. I'm really looking forward to this one-less-kid thing every day for awhile.

To make life easier on my I walked to school to pick him up and as we were walking him I asked him about his day. I asked if he cried and he proudly said "Nope. Other kids did, but I didn't." He said he had fun and was excited to go back Monday. HUGE sigh of relief! I figured he would be, but you just never know sometimes.

First night in the big bed...

I decided to start the transition to big bed for Alexa since I'm pretty sure I'm going to be needing that crib very soon as the twins like to kick each other and roll on top of the other.

I took the front off and put her to bed. Paul called me later to look at her and this is what I found. So cute.