there's always a light

today has been a better day than i've had in awhile. i wish i knew what all the contributing factors were so i could reproduce them day after day. of course, i have my guesses, and there are a couple things i did differently today that i know were helpful. 


maybe it was just a temporary emotional crash and i can get back to normal again. that would be nice. i didn't care for feeling like a mean/bad mom, not to mention the feeling of just wanting to cry all the time.


the last few days have been really beautiful here. the earth is waking up, the trees are getting leaves, there's tulips and daffodils everywhere, and i think it's helping me to shake off the winter doldrums. thank goodness for the seasons!


thanks for all the support from everyone who's been there to listen or let me cry, or say the right thing at the right time. each part is always equally important. 


i love the way heavenly father answers prayers. instead of just a single answer, it is almost always given to us a little bit at a time. and while this serves the purpose of giving us only what we can handle at any given time, i find it to be such a blessing in that i get to experience heavenly father's hand in my life multiple times in a short period of time. it might be easy to ignore or explain away one answer or small miracle, but when so many little things happen at once to create a bigger picture it's much harder to ignore or explain away the divine assistance as mere "coincidence." he cares enough about me to create an entire network of people and answers that all work just right for me (and somehow for everyone else at the same time. amazing!) and that makes me feel loved and important.

Spring Day Fun

so, in case you're curious why these are two weeks late, it's because we decided to put off the commercial easter celebration in order to better help our kids and ourselves focus on the real meaning of easter. i got this idea from the march ensign and liked it, so i decided to run with it. i think this will become standard procedure, though i'm not sure when it will be, especially since easter moves every year. it's fun to have an extra day to look forward to as well. i found this much more fun and enjoyable for me as a parent, not having to worry about making sure the kids were really understanding the holiday a midst the candy and fun. i just got to enjoy their smiles and revel in their fun, plus it made for a good family home evening. 

 the boys had a lot of fun dying eggs.

and dying their hands...

their works of art (they haven't really gotten past the one color thing yet...next year. ;)

check him out, jumping down

checking our their hauls

love the duck lips. i asked him if he needed help and he was in the processes of saying "nooo."

you can actually see the caramel hanging off her fingers, hehe.

mmmmm!

for some reason...

i thought it was going to get easier when we got here. 

i'm not sure why. 

i knew we were stepping into the unknown.

with no family, and no friends. 

no job, and no real knowledge of the area.

i guess it was the fact that we were doing what we were supposed to do.

but that has never been a guarantee for either success or ease.

sure, it helps, but if it were that simple--and quick--it wouldn't be much of a test. 

and i know it hasn't been very long.

still, this has been hard.

smaller paychecks, higher bills, less resources and physical support.

it hasn't all been bad.

and there are still many, many blessings to count.

but i'm feeling very overwhelmed much of the time.

and hoping and praying that maybe, just maybe, there's a light at the end of the tunnel of this financial trial.

because the desire to curl up and cry is getting stronger every day.

jumping back on the bandwagon

okay, so i've learned some things in the last two weeks. 


#1: it's hard to be good when you have crap in the house. it's SO much easier if it's just not available.


#2: there's something to be said for making a commitment and sharing it with other people to create accountability.


#3: my husband has an even worse sweet tooth than i.


anyhoo, basically what i'm saying is, tomorrow, i'm starting another 30 day sugar fast. i was really good the first week and a half or so after i quit my official fast, even continuing to lose weight. but for some reason paul bought a bunch of crap right after i finished (we had some words over that one, haha). anyhoo, i've decided to do this again and make it public. i want to make the commitment and i want everyone to know and help keep me honest. i like and make a consistent effort to be a woman of my word as far as it is in my power. so, i'm giving my word. 30 days. i've got a goal and i want to reach it by the end of june.


here's to another 30 days.

even more little things

last night i prayed for sunshine, because weeks of clouds tend to get me down. and it's not even the clouds as much as the cold, because cold means bundling, which means very little desire to be mobile. this is what it looks like today:

And even though there are more clouds than blue sky, it has still been sunny more than half the time.

What a beautiful day.

it's the little things

about a month ago (or thereabouts) someone--i'm not sure who--busted our laptop LCD screen. they shattered the spot that, i suspect, they stepped on and it spidered out from there. at first it was hardly noticeable so i ignored it. then the black started seeping in (the liquid crystals started seeping out?). it took awhile before it was really bad. when i looked around to buy a new one they ran about $100. so i put it off. then it got too bad to ignore anymore, and i bit the bullet and shelled out $102 to get a new screen.


it came in the mail quickly, and i went to install it. but there was a problem with it. the connecting cord was too short. ugh. 


the company i purchased the screen from said they would have to recall it, as it obviously wasn't the right part for my computer model. so i started another search, this time armed with the exact model number of the screen instead of just the computer.


long story short, instead of paying over $100, i ended up getting what i needed for only $45--less than half, which was far below any others i found, even with the right part number. 


even though it took longer, and i had to deal with the pain of having to send the first one back, i still ended up way ahead.


it's moments like this that i'm certain my heavenly father is looking out for me. the big miracles are cool, but the small miracles are how i know he's always watching out for me and he truly cares. because a new computer screen is such a little thing. but to me, right now, $60 is a lot of money. 


i'm so grateful to know my heavenly father is taking care of me.

30 days

i made it.


basically.


i had a couple "oops" moments, but i was definitely far more good than not.


and it was successful.


in more ways than one.


i lost 7 pounds, yay.


and my sugar cravings have dramatically decreased, double yay.


and i'm finding it easier to "just say no".

what is it about us that makes us want things simply because we can't or shouldn't have it? last night, my last night of this thing, we were invited to a ward member's house for a getting-to-know-you kind of thing. they provided ice cream and multiple topping options. i wanted some. i thought. looking back today, i don't know that i really did. i think it was more the i-want-it-because-i-can't-have-it situation. because i didn't really feel like i was missing out. i'm not even that much of an ice cream person.


today, i did indulge and have one of my favorites for breakfast: chocolate chip pancakes. and they were yummy. and i didn't feel in the least bit guilty.


but as i was looking at some of the (few) things we have in the house that i can now eat because my sugar fast is officially over i repeatedly thought "yeah, that kind of looks good . . . but not really. i really only want a bite or two." 


i was so excited to be done, but i'm much more excited to discover that even after giving myself permission to eat sugar again, there's not much desire. 


and that is the best thing that's come out of this.


i think i'm going to go 30 more days.


well, kind of.


i'm not going to say "i can't" because that in itself makes me want it when i don't really even want it.


but i'm going to limit what i say yes to. maybe one or two treats a week.


because i feel good.


and i think my body is in a weight loss groove.


and i want to take full advantage of that.